Honouring My Younger Self

January 14, 2022


the back of a black woman's head. her thick curly hair is in a nice big ponytail at the nape of his neck

Welcome to tomachimaria.com

I’ve been thinking a lot about the little girl that I once was. 

She. was. fearless. 

She knew who she was and stood firmly in her self-assuredness. She tried new things and talked openly about the things that excited her. She marched through life with a big smile and no one could dissuade her. 

That little girl is my hero.

At some point between adolescence and adulthood I lost my childish essence. 

I lost her.

 I’m not sure if it was the insecurity that bubbled up during puberty, the perceived failures I felt in high school or the constant tumult I experienced in my early 20s; but I’m more guarded and fearful than I used to be.

Sometimes I walk with my head hung low. I occasionally find myself unable to meet my own gaze in the mirror. I repeat things multiple times in my head before I say them to make sure I don’t sound stupid. I pick and I pick and I PICK at myself. And most importantly? I’ve become risk averse. 

I don’t take chances on myself. It’s too scary.  

“You’re not good enough”

“You’re not smart enough”

“You’re not pretty or interesting enough”

“You are not enough”

“You will fail.”

I have spent the better half of my teen years and early 20s plagued by fear, insecurity and negative self talk. I have pushed my confident inner child so far into a hole that I can barely see or hear her.

And the scary thing is, I have no idea why I’ve been hurting her.

But you know what? I’m tired of doing that to her. I’m tired of doing that to ME. We don’t deserve it.

I have wanted to start a blog for as long as I can remember. I’ve always loved writing – sharing my life and experiences with those closest to me. For a plethora of reasons, I pushed it to the side. I was too afraid to take the leap. I mean… a whole website about me? Who the heck would read that?

But that question doesn’t burden me anymore.

TomachiMaria.com is for me and more importantly, for her. I am honouring the dreamer I once was (and hope to be again). This is for the little girl with the big spirit and the even bigger smile. The one who runs as fast as she can and wears two different coloured socks and makes up crazy stories to make her brother laugh and carries a stuffed bear everywhere she goes…

I missed her.

This website is a new beginning. It’s an opportunity for me to rediscover and honour myself. I want to take you along for the ride. Like me, it’s a little imperfect; but it’s colourful, effervescent and filled with love.

So, I’m dedicating this website to me; past, present and future.

I love you sis. You’ve always deserved this.

Welcome to my site everyone. I hope you’ll stay awhile.



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